i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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