I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
