You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Farmville is her only friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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