I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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