Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
