No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
She announced her abortion via fbk
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
