She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
