I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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