It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
