I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
