so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
