i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
