Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
