I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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