I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
