So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
