Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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