I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
