If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
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she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
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Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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