Just took my morning after pill in the library
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
