I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
