so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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