Where are you?
In a non slutty way
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
