how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
