GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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