apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
