So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
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Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
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She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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