i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
where does the pee come out of this thing
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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