You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
