I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
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