i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Is it because I queefed?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
