In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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