All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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