i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Randomize
