I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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