this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
