My first STD was from a foam party
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
