Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I am naked and annoyed.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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