Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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