OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
