am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
