so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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