Grow some girl-balls and come out already
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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