when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
