Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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