dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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