between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I think people are normalizing furries
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
