so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
