If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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