6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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