His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
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Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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