He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
