he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Randomize
