You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
