More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
