my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
