My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
