She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
