My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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