they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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