Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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