I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
