Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
