New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
