you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize