I hope mine doesn't look like that
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
