I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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