U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Randomize
