the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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