her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize