Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
