the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
