According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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