So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
