my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
there is puke in my bra ... again
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
