I just made out with a guy for $7.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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