Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
