so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
