her vagine was all disorganized.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
