The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
