honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
